Posted 2:36 PM by Angie Schultz

Thanksgroping

Niles is here for Thanksgiving. His plane was delayed for an hour with mechanical problems. And then for another hour, and another, and...for a total of seven hours. Which meant he didn't get to Honolulu until after midnight last night, and had to stay overnight in a hotel there. (And, more importantly, got me up at the simply UNGODLY hour of 8:30am to go fetch his keister from the airport. Though I did get some Krispy Kreme out of the deal.)

However, this story is about being groped by the TSA. I had already told him about Dave Barry's delicate condition (a "blurred groin"). He said he would try to avoid that, but in the end it proved to be his undoing (har)*.

He was told, as usual, to remove all metal from his pockets, but he retained his pen and comb in a front pocket, which blurred his frontal region and resulted in a pat down. He told them that the blurred images was because "a pen is in my pocket" (note the vital white space between the second and third words), and offered to remove it and go through the scanner again, but no. So they had to touch his privates in public, so that other travelers could watch, wondering which of the many middle-aged nerd terrorist groups he belonged to.

Apparently I owe him now for his ordeal.

* Except that, upon further inquiry, I discover that he didn't actually have to undo anything.

Posted 4:31 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: The Most Sinc--er--Scenic Pumpkin Patch in the World

I do not think this counts as a "sincere" pumpkin patch, inasmuch as (I believe) the pumpkins did not grow as you see them, but were placed there. Those don't look like pumpkin leaves. However, you must admit that this is one of the more scenic pumpkin patches in the world.

Kula Farms pumpkin patch, Oct 2009

Here's another view. That's Kahoolawe in the background of both pictures. These were taken from Rice Park, across the road, on a dark day.


This place is packed on October weekends, with cars lining the highway on both sides. It's been pretty busy on weekday afternoons, too. This picture was taken on a Monday, when they're closed. I look forward to Tuesday, when I can buy a quart of strawberries without having to push through a pack of pesky pumpkin pickers.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Oct 2009

Posted 10:52 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: A Moo with a View

If this picture looks a little funny, it's because it's a blow-up of a photo taken from a moving car.

Cows on Haleakala, Jan. 2009

This is a very nice view, what with the cows and all. The red hill behind them is actually an old cinder cone; sometimes they stand on it, and then it's really cool. That's the West Maui Mountains in the background, and behind them, Lanai.

But there are few places to park nearby, so it's hard to get a photo. Also, the best light is in the morning, when I'm in bed.

But one day we happened to be working during the day (if you can imagine), and I snapped this as we zoomed past. The no-nonsense fellows I was working with would not have been interested in stopping for pictures of cows, but they did stop to buy some flowers further up.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Jan 2009

Posted 10:09 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Mees Was Here

Here's the Mees Solar Observatory playing "Kilroy was here".

Mees Solar Observatory at sunrise
Dec. 2008

It looks kind of like a moon rising. That was one of those mornings where it certainly would have been worth it to get up at oh-dark-30, bundle up, and drive 90 minutes to the watch the sun rise on Haleakala. Unfortunately, it's hard to know in advance which mornings those are going to be.

It's getting harder to find a picture I haven't already posted! I need to scan in some non-Hawaii.

Labels: Dec 2008, Foto Friday, Hawaii

Posted 6:15 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Kahoolawe

I wish I had this in black and white, but all I have is this pesky color. (And, no, desaturating it isn't the same thing.)

Kahoolawe from Maui, Oct 2009

This was taken from somewhere near Ulupalakua, on the south side of Haleakala. The little speck of black in the ocean is Molokini.

I took this because, well, I was there. I think it must have been taken with the 17mm lens. I didn't think it would come out very well, because of the angle of the sun. But I kind of like it anyway. Needs more clouds, though.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii

Posted 3:40 AM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Are You Looking at Me?

Between civilization in Kula and Haleakala National Park lies the deadly cattle range. Cattle guards keep the cows out of the park, and out of Kula, but in between they are free to wander onto the highway. It's a special thrill, on a foggy night, to come out of a hairpin turn and see a cow standing serenely in the road. A colleague of mine once saw a sports car breeze past him and two other vehicles, only to hit a calf amidships.

Cattle range on Haleakala, Oct 2009

This one is keeping a wary distance from the road, and from nosy photographers.

What? Oh, yes, Foto Friday has been AWOL for a while, hasn't it? I've just been too danged lazy to select and edit the photos. There have been complaints. Apparently now I have two whole readers -- a 100% increase!

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii

Posted 6:21 AM by Angie Schultz

Hunting Nazi Polar Bear on Maui

Tommy and I went out to the gun range again last week, and we took along his "Arctic Panther", which he said was for hunting polar bears.

Sadly, polar bear have been hunted to extinction on Maui. Here's a picture of me, showing our target, sort of:

The cardboard things are our pistol targets. The rifle target is shown by the lighted circle, to the right of the pistol targets, waaaay back there. Again, with the scopes, it really wasn't very challenging to hit the target with the rifles.

Which is more than I can say for the pistols. I'm pretty sure the laws of physics were somehow violated. You'd think it would be impossible to miss the cardboard at that range, but I couldn't see much evidence that I was hitting anything. I suspect there was quantum tunneling involved: through some bizarre freak of nature, the bullets moved from the gun into the dirt on the other side, without traveling through the intervening space. There's a Nobel Prize in there somewhere, I'm sure.

Now, last time, Tommy brought only the .22s, and I thought, "Oh, how sweet! He thinks the recoil on the larger calibers will be too much for my delicate girly frame." So this time he brought his 9mm Walther P38, from WWII Germany. (He showed me some markings that allegedly contained a swastika, but I didn't have my reading glasses with me, so couldn't swear to it.)

That thing scared the snot out of me. I couldn't keep my hand from going up. It's a wonder I didn't put any holes in the roof. And the bullets were so big!

If you look carefully, you can see that the gun is open. That's because it's jammed. Here's a close-up:

I wore my silly Aunt Myrtle hat again because it protects my anonymity on teh internetz, but it affords other types of protection too -- as when Tommy was shooting the Walther next to me, causing a gentle rain of hot brass to fall upon my head. (I still have the scar from our last visit, when I set my elbow down on some. I refer to this as my "bullet wound".)

We went on a weekday morning and the placed was packed. I overheard several men crediting this to the "gun salesman of the year", Barack Obama.

Labels: Too Much Time on My Hands

Posted 11:00 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Tsssssss!

I keep meaning to put up a nice, multi-image post, but again I got lazy, so you get a drab sunset.

Sunset from home, Oct 2009

Labels: Foto Friday, Oct 2009

Posted 10:52 PM by Angie Schultz

Bonus Fotos: Bitter Clinger Edition!

...or, Tommy takes his life into his hands

My pal Tommy G, a brave man, took me down to the rifle range at Ukumehame(*) today, and we had a blast.

Plus, fun.

Tommy brought his camera as well as his guns. Here, for the first time on the interwebz, is a picture of me. Drink me in!



Yes, I wore my silly whale-watching hat (I was expecting stronger sunshine). Tommy took a photo of me -- which you will NOT see -- firing the pistol, and I look like Aunt Myrtle confronting a robber. "Oh my stars, make my day, young man."

No, I do not know what kind of rifle this is, except that it was a .22. All .22s today, lest the recoil be too much for my delicate frame (or, Tommy figured I couldn't make too big a hole in him with a .22).

He was safe, but I received a wound: I put my elbow down on some freshly ejected brass, which turns out to be very hot. It hurt, but I managed not to shriek and wave the pistol about in my pain.

Here's Tommy with the Ruger pistol.



Tommy had scopes on the rifles, so it wasn't very challenging to hit the target (not that I did it consistently). The pistol was another matter. It took me a long time to figure out the sights, and I had to start over again every reload. By the time I got it sighted again, I was out of bullets.

A very fun day, and Tommy only had to remind me two or three times not to point the pistol at him. Later in the summer we will go again, taking the heavier artillery. Watch out, polar bears!

(*) Hawaiian for "Great deals on lush tropical real estate!"

Labels: Hawaii, June 2010

Posted 10:39 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Sunrise Rainstorm

Enough of those boring sunsets! Here's a rare sunrise.

Sunrise rainstorm over central Maui
March 2010

Usually if I'm up at sunrise I'm hurrying to get to bed. I think that was the case here, too, but I lingered a few minutes to photograph this. A day or two later I was up at sunrise but didn't need to hurry to bed. Such luxury.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Mar 2010

Posted 7:30 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: I'd Like to Be Under the Sea

Check out my new underwater camera! Pretty awesome, huh?

At the Maui Ocean Center, March 2010

Sadly, no. The fishies are all wet, and I am completely dry. This is one of the tanks at the Maui Ocean Center.

This was shot with 400 speed film, which was insufficient for the most of the lighting conditions. Next time I must use 800 ASA. Or, I could get one o' them there fancy-schmancy digital cameras, like Niles has. He got beautiful pictures, and movies too. Well, maybe in ten years or so I'll be able to afford one.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Mar 2010

Posted 10:43 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Rainbow Beams

Ho hum. Yet another beautiful rainbow. Note the supernumerary bows inside the main bow. I count two extra. There ought to be a secondary bow outside too, but I don't see it. Clicky to supersize.

Rainbow from upcountry Maui, Nov 2009

This entire roll was full of rainbows. How dull.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Nov 2009

Posted 2:36 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Fresh Fruit

This fruit stand is along the Kula Highway. I sometimes go there for fruits and veggies. This was taken on an unusually clear day. The flowers in the foreground are proteas.

Kula Country Farms, Maui, Dec. 2009

They grow some stuff there (strawberries now, pumpkins in the fall, corn too I think), but mostly they buy from local farmers. They have charming displays for holidays, but I'm afraid the port-a-pottie kind of ruins the effect. Wish they'd decorate it.

Bonus pointless anecdote: Words spoken, by me, while digging in the fridge this morning: "You're a lime! I accuse you of being a lime!" The lime did not deny it.

This was shot on cheaperino Fuji Superia 400. Try not to look at the colors directly; they may damage your retinas. I didn't touch the saturation, or even the contrast. I am still working out what it is exactly that makes the more expensive film worth the price, since the results I get seem uncorrelated to film type (at least, for print film). Maybe if you do studio work only, where you can control the colors and lighting, you see the difference.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Nov 2009

Posted 5:55 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Cratered

Haleakala crater from the upper viewing area on "Red Hill".

Haleakala Crater, Oct. 2009

There's a long story associated with this picture, but in it I turn out to be a total bozo, so you're not going to hear it.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Oct 2009

Posted 3:57 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Hung Out to Dry

Ho hum. Just another laundry day.

Laundry Day on Maui, Nov. 2009

If I'd known this was going to come out so well, I would have taken more care in its composition. I'd have moved the camera lower, and made sure my car was covered up. Hell, I'd have gotten out the tripod. But I just hung the rugs out there and thought, dayam, that looks right purty. I'll just snap that.

This was shot on Velvia 100, which gives those eye-smacking colors. (And another reason not to burn expensive film on pictures of laundry, fergawdsake.)

Pink is my least favorite color, but my kitchen and bathroom are pink, so whaddaya gonna do?

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Nov 2009

Posted 2:53 AM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Flame On!

AEOS telescope at sunset
Haleakala, Maui, May 2009

This is an Air Force telescope. It doesn't usually explode like that.

Here's the official site, or you can see the slightly more informative -- but extremely funky -- page the Federation of American Scientists has on AEOS. Not only is that page direct to you from 1997, but it has a Star Trek emblem on it.

I've always been a little hesitant to post my photos of AEOS, because it's like sekrit military stuff, but then I find their own site has a bunch of photos of the telescope nekkid.

I'm getting a bit bored with Foto Friday. It's just that it's all the same thing: here's a beautiful sunset. Here's a gorgeous beach. Yawn. A mountain vista. Snore. It's getting difficult to find something that isn't a sunset. (And yet, I keep taking them. I must have dozens. Maybe I should do a book.)

Here in a few days I have 14 rolls of film coming back. That's about six months' worth. Maybe there'll be something interesting in there.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, May 2009

Posted 4:19 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Vanishing Point

Hmmph. I make this image extra big, and Blogger shrinks it. Click for bigger.

West Maui Mtns from N. Kihei Rd.
Mar 2009

It's unusual for the tops of the mountains to be free of cloud so late in the afternoon.

The ocean's just off the frame to the left here, Kealia Ponds wildlife refuge on the other side of the road. The thing that looks like a lighthouse in the distance is part of the power station.

This is one of those rare pictures where I felt compelled to desaturate the color a little bit. Looked too brilliant. Film (yes, film) was Provia 400, for those who want to know those things.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Mar 2009

Posted 10:53 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Fire on High

The view from 1800 ft.

Sunset from Pukalani, Maui
Feb 2009

Labels: Feb 2009, Foto Friday, Hawaii

Posted 10:29 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Beach Blanket Bingo

OK, they're probably not playing bingo:

Waipuilani Park, Kihei, April 2009

This is another in our continuing series, What Are They Selling? -- i.e., this looks like an ad for something. For what?

In this case, the only possible answer is: beer.

Click to enlarge. I made this one extra big.

Labels: April 2009, Foto Friday, Hawaii

Posted 10:13 AM by Angie Schultz

Sleepblogging the Apocalypse

Apocalypse scheduled for just after 2100 Zulu, but I have to go to bed now. I've set the alarm to wake me so I can watch it. There may be photos (er, much later). Updates as they happen.

22:05Z: ITEOTWAWKI, and I'm out of film. Fortunately, TEOTWAWKI has been delayed long enough for me to slip in another roll. And delayed long enough for me to get some "before" pictures of the devastation. And delayed long enough for me to get really flipping bored.

I was listening to a radio station which had live reports from listeners. "Hi. I'm calling from Wailuku Heights, and there's nothing going on." "Hi, I'm calling from Kihei, and I'm drunk off my ass." Etc.

In the last few minutes or so they've been saying that the water in Hilo Bay, on the Big Island (where the tsunami would hit first), receded by about one and a half feet, then advanced, then receded.

At this point I've lost 90 minutes' sleep, and I'm thinking the apocalypse can carry on without me, because I gotta work tonight.

I did, however, see whale spouts in Maalaea Bay, so that was cool.

Posted 12:52 AM by Angie Schultz

Où sont les bananes d'antan?

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

-- Groucho Marx

And an artist flies like a thief in the night.

This is rich. Does anyone remember the long ago, heady days of 2007, when we were menaced by the threat of giant bananas over Texas? A giant banana, made from wood and paper, was supposed to be launched by a Argentinian artist César Saëz from Mexico, with funding from Canada. His lucid rationale, at the time, was this:

It is in Texas because it has oil,
and a lot of Walmarts, Exxons and
Halliburtons. (and the Ranch)

It is a buffoon act, trying to impress...
Texan dominant Aerospace,
and all the Gun Clubs.

Which I trust is inarguable.

He also said:

"It's an artistic statement and a spectacle. One thing I love is the issue of truth or hoax, and I love the ambiguity."

I hope it will come as a surprise to no one that "hoax" was the operative word here, in that the Canadians never saw their banana. Never saw their money back either. The link above has the gory details, in the form of a radio interview with a couple of arts types. (English transcript, link to French original.)

The sophisticated arts commissariot is not too upset over the disappearance of $130 -- ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY -- grand that this clown received. After all, he had to do research. He had to talk to people. He had to renew himself as an artist.

He did not, however, actually have to produce a banana.

You'll see that I kinda sorta predicted this in my original post. The "art" was the controversy over the project, not the damned banana. Ha ha! He got all you rubes in an uproar! ka-CHING!

Via Mark Steyn.

Posted 10:16 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Bent Bush

Sunset from North Kihei, Maui
Sep 2008

This picture could be from an ad. What would it be selling?


Religion?
Life insurance?
A prescription drug for an embarrassing condition?
The Greatest Romantic Melodies of ALL TIME!
Feminine hygiene products?
Hawaii??

YOU make the call.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Sep 2008

Posted 3:15 AM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: No Snow in 5-0

Today's FF comes to you courtesy of Tim Blair, who links to a story suggesting that there will be snow on the ground by the end of the week in all fifty states.

Tim's commenter Bruce asks, "Is there snow in Hawaii this time of year?"

Why, yes!

Mauna Kea from Haleakala, Jan 2009

Here's a close-up:

Snow on Mauna Kea, Jan 2009

Click for a bigger picture. The lumpy white stuff on top of the mountain is not clouds, but snow on the cinder cones.

The banner on this site shows a snowy scene on Mauna Kea, and underneath the rotating image in the middle are links to various galleries that may have snow scenes.

As I type, the temperature is hovering around freezing, which is actually kind of warm for Mauna Kea. The forecast is for dry conditions for the next five days, so it looks as if the fifty snow-covered states are out.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Jan 2009

Posted 10:29 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Sugar Daddy

Puunene Sugar Mill, Jan 2009

This is the sugar mill in central Maui, a stone's throw from Wal-Mart. It might be the last mill on Maui; I'm not sure. I do know that the sugar on Maui is now the last in the state, as of October 31. (Link to cached copy of Honolulu Advertiser article, since I couldn't get the paper's site to cough up the article.)

This mill is beautiful. I know there are those who find any type of industrial activity ugly. They're fools. Though it's true that the belching smokestacks hardly fit the idea of paradise, and it does stink. Driving through the smoke on a damp night is like diving head-first into a vat of lukewarm sweet potatoes. I hate sweet potatoes.

But it's beautiful at night, with the smoke illuminated by the moon, or the plant's own lights. On a bright sunny day the plant is slightly startling against the lush green cane. It reminds me of the machinery in Riven. (That was also probably supposed to be fouling an island paradise, but I thought it beautiful too.)

This picture does not begin to do justice to the day, with clouds in shades of silver, suddenly thinning to reveal the mountains looming in the background. It really needed to be shot in black & white, but of course I had color film in the camera. And it took a bit of patience: the road is a busy one, and I had to wait until there was a break in the clouds and a break in the cars.

Sometime I'd like to go down and get a night shot, if I can avoid getting run over, or arrested.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Jan 2009

Posted 5:35 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Walking on Water

Paddleboarder at sunset, Feb 2009

This is at Mai Poina Oe Iau Beach in Kihei. Fabulous photo op here, but I only got a few pictures. For the uninitiated, what you do here is you stand on your surfboard, and paddle around. I'm not sure that any actual surf is involved. I think it's supposed to be for the less physically agile.

These were agile-looking teenaged girls.

Labels: Feb 2009, Foto Friday, Hawaii

Posted 2:55 PM by Angie Schultz

Foto Friday: Missing the Boat

Niles calls this "impressionistic". I call it blurry. Shoulda used the telephoto lens.

Note the dog standing wistfully on the shore as the boat sails away.

Near Waipuilani Park, Maui
Jan 2009

No, this is not very late. That's just your imagination.

Labels: Foto Friday, Hawaii, Jan 2009