by Angie Schultz
The EU seems to have finally discovered Europe's towering strength: pastries.
Europe has been searching for years for something to inspire a new generation of citizens - a generation unimpressed by 60 years of peace and the ending of the continent's Cold War divisions.
And so the Austrians, to celebrate their ascendancy to the EU presidency, are touting Europe's cakes. There's a nifty poster,
which has writing too small to read, and an even niftier pamphlet,
which has recipes.
Here are the cakes:
|Austria||Gugelhupf||Chocolate-swirled bundt cake|
|Ireland||Scones||Known to Americans as biscuits|
|Portugal||Pasteis de nata||Looks like custard-filled cups|
|Slovakia||Orecovy Zavin||Roll filled with nuts and raisins|
|Italy||Tiramisu||Sponge cake with coffee, chocolate, and cheese|
|Malta||Imqaret||Deep-fried date sandwiches|
|Greece||Vasilopita||Spice cake covered in almonds|
|France||Madeleines||Plain little cakes shaped like shells. Dip in tea to experience hallucinations.|
|Slovenia||Prekmurska gibanica||Cake layered with poppy, apple, cheese, and nut fillings|
|Spain||Tarta de Santiago||Religiously-insensitive cake with custard(?) filling|
|Hungary||Dobos torta||Many-layered cake with cream filling|
|Denmark||Wienerbrod||"Vienna bread" -- known to Americans as Danish|
|Cyprus||Baklava||Sticky nut cake|
|Latvia||Rupjmaizes kartojums||A parfait of rye bread layered with whipped cream. No, really.|
|Czech Republic||Kolach||Cheese-filled sweet rolls. Picture bears no relation to recipe.|
|Poland||Mazurek||Cake with butter filling|
|Romania||Cozonac moldovenesc||Chocolate-swirled bread. Calls for fresh pig lard.|
|Germany||Streuselkuchen||Cake with crumbly butter-sugar topping|
|Belgium||Waffeln||Waffles. Insert joke here.|
|Lithuania||Sakotis||The Cake from Another Dimension|
|Bulgaria||Mliako s oriz||Rice pudding|
Several of these call for the peel of an "untreated" lemon or orange. I don't know what that means, but I'm surprised anything is allowed to go "untreated" in the EU.
Other recipes hark back to the days when skilled European cooks would slave for days over their time machines, so that they might journey into the future to purchase prepared filo dough and sponge cake. Has anyone ever seen a recipe that requires you to prepare your own filo dough? NO. Filo dough was unknown before it started showing up pre-made in the grocery store. So where does it come from?
Think about it.
From the spiritual residue of blood-sucking insects.