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Sunday, April 03, 2005

I Dreamed I Saw Chris Hitch Last Night

Well, that didn't take long. "That" is Christopher Hitchens giving one of his patent poisoned obits, this time of the Pope. "What no one else will say about John Paul II." Yeah, yeah, Hitch, we know. You bad.

I remember the day that Christopher Hitchens died. It was two or three days ago. At least, that's the way it was in my dream. Yes, I had a dream about the death of Christopher Hitchens. No, really; if I were making this up, I'd have the dream make some sense.

I dreamt that Hitchens and I lived in the same town, and that he occasionally gave talks at his house, at which fifty or so people might show up. There were a number of regulars. He wasn't the snarling fellow he seems in his columns, but more like a stern schoolmaster, perhaps like Victor Davis Hanson crossed with John Houseman's character from The Paper Chase.

Anyhow, he died. And the next day I got a package from his lawyers. It was book-sized when I began to open it, but like a TARDIS it was bigger on the inside than the outside. The box contained not only books and papers, but strange scrapbooks with pictures of me as a child. (At least, they seemed to at first, but as usual in my dreams, when you try to examine something closely, it changes and eventually fades away. Nothing to see here, move along.)

I was astounded and a little creeped out to be receiving this ephemera from beyond the grave (there was no explanatory note). I mentioned it to a guy I worked with, also a regular at the talks, and he said that, huh, yeah, he'd gotten one too. Funny, that. Well, that was better. At least Hitch wasn't stalking me from the Hereafter. I was touched that Hitchens, a famous author, had prepared these thoughtful little gifts -- bits of his legacy, so to speak -- to distribute to his listeners after his death. My colleague just thought it was weird.

Another colleague, who didn't go to the talks, said she was glad Hitch was dead, because he was a rat bastard, and she hoped someone would be taking him apart PDQ. And this was the general opinion of those who gave a shit.

Anyway, that was my dream. Take it or leave it.

See this post for other examples of Hitchens's gleefully vicious obits.

Inevitable train wreck spotted by Instant Man.