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Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Get a Load of This You Heathen Monkeys

I'm declaring a fatwa against Time-Warner. They have defiled the Holy of Holies: Jonny Quest

In [the new DVD release of] the classic episode "Pursuit of the Po-Ho," Race Bannon smears purple berry juice all over his body so he can impersonate the water god Aquezio and frighten the Po-Ho into releasing Dr. Benton Quest and a colleague. As Race emerges from the river to the agitated cries of the startled Indians, he declares, "All right, you ignorant savages -- get a good look at Aquezio, you heathen monkeys!"

Or at least that's what he used to say until somebody bowdlerized this beloved and classic animated series and truncated the audio to "Get a look at Aquezio!" Race's mouth keeps moving when the supposedly offensive lines are bleeped.

Time-Warner can consider themselves cursed. Anubis will stalk their halls, mutterning "Coin! Coin!" (I've been known to do that, too.) Turu the Terrible will swoop down and carry off their young. And the energy monster will sap all their transmissions.

So it is ordered, in the name of the father, the son, and the holy bulldog, amen.

Via Tim "Beer Bottle of the Righteous" Blair