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Friday, February 21, 2003

Get Ready!

Mmmm, nothin' like a government information campaign to provide endless laughs for future generations, assuming there are any. This one urges us to be ready.

Now, in keeping with the current zeitgeist of unrestrained panic [*], I've written some peppy new lyrics to an appropriate tune. No need to thank me, just doing my bit.

(With deepest, profoundest apologies to Smokey Robinson, whose real lyrics are here. [**])

Never met infidels could make me as crazy as you do
(it ain't no lie)
Whenever I'm asked what brings evil to the world, I tell 'em you do
(you're gonna die)
Well, sarin gas, got me some, look out Satan, 'cause here I come

(ah-ah-ah-ah-ah) I'm bringin' a war to you
(get ready, get ready)
(ah-ah-ah-ah-ah) I'll start makin' bombs go boom
(get ready, get ready)
Get ready 'cause here I come
On my way (get ready 'cause here I come)

You wanna play hide 'n seek with me, I gotta tell ya
(it's allright)
Look all up and down the world, and by the time ya find me
(I'm outta sight)
You can't discover where I'm from, look out Yankees, now here I come

(ah-ah-ah-ah-ah) I might even have a nuke or two
(get ready, get ready)
(ah-ah-ah-ah-ah) Is that anthrax, or just the flu?
(get ready, get ready)
Get ready 'cause here I come
On my way (get ready 'cause here I come)

All that heathen freedom and stuff, you know I can't stand it
(that's my fight)
Hope I get you before you get to me 'cause that's how I planned it
(my cause is right)
Now I'm headin' for martyrdom, look out virgins, cause here I come

(ah-ah-ah-ah-ah) I'm tellin' you your time is through
(get ready, get ready)
(ah-ah-ah-ah-ah) I just gotta light my shoe
(get ready, get ready)
Get ready 'cause here I come
I'm on my way (get ready 'cause here I come)
I'm here today! (get ready 'cause here I come)

[*] I thought for sure there was an InstaPundit post recently on how the media is trying to tell us we're all in an unreasoning panic, but I couldn't find it.

UPDATE FROM SPAIN: We're panicking.

[**] Actually, many sites---including the one linked---say that the first line of the last verse is:

Baby all my freedoms should you want me to I think i'll understand

Which prompted my line about freedoms. But that doesn't make sense, even for rock lyrics. The real lyrics sung by Rare Earth are:

Baby if all my friends shouldn't want me to, I think I'll understand it

This makes more slightly more sense (i.e., his friends want her for themselves), and fits in with the following line.