The Machinery of Night

Posted 8:40 AM by Angie Schultz

New Year's Resolutions

There'll be a lot of ink spilled today on the subject of New Year's Resolutions---who has resolved what, and how hard it is to keep them.

Many years ago I made a New Year's resolution which I have kept to this day, without any difficulty whatsoever. I resolved not to make any more New Year's resolutions.

After all, why wait for New Year's to take stock of your life? I am constantly taking stock, obsessing over the inventory, handling all the bundles and boxes, sweeping up spills, and setting out traps for the rats.

For example, I am well over-stocked on indolence, timidity, and...uh...I think *sniff*...I think this is pique, but I'm not sure.

But the supplies of ambition are dangerously low (it was once necessary to burn them at an extravagant rate). My store of passion for my work suffered a great deal of spoilage during the years of exile.

On the plus side, though, the stocks of creature comforts have gone up considerably, and the vermin of boredom are nowhere to be seen.

Best of all, no resolutions means you don't have to feel embarrassed or weak when you break them three days into the new year.