The Machinery of Night

Posted 3:37 PM by Angie Schultz

The No Vote

I cannot continue to deceive you like this. I have a confession to make: I did not vote on Tuesday.

(Poor Meryl Yourish didn't either; she was ruthlessly disenfranchised by corrupt Repub...er...Demo...um...Bureaucrats. Down with the Bureaucratic Party!)

I've been in Texas for three months. That's plenty of time to have registered to vote. It might have been difficult. As far as Texas is concerned, I don't officially exist. I don't have a job, a car, or a(n official) home. Therefore I have no license, utility bills, or other documents to prove I live in Texas.

I do have a bank account, and checks which have this address on them. My Visa bills come here, as does my student loan paperwork. I guess this would've been sufficient. But I don't intend to stay in Houston. There's nothing wrong with it (except the summer, which lasts about six months), but there's no work for me here.

But, yeah, I could've parachuted in, registered to vote, and gone and voted in yesterday's election in support of The Cause. Ha ha! I have advanced my agenda! I have added my mite in support of the Republocrat takeover of Texas. Muahahahaha! What? The people of Houston who have to live with my choice once I am gone? What are they to me?

For those who think that this is a bit egomaniacal of me, to think that my one vote is so valuable, I say: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EGOMANIA? No...wait...I say that my vote would not have made a lot of difference, one way or the other. The Representative from this district was unopposed save by a Libertarian (although that guy did get 10% of the vote), and Cornyn (R) won Phil Gramm's old Senate seat handily, but it was a lot closer than 90-10.

(Niles---who has US as well as British citizenship---did vote. He hasn't lived in Britain for about 16 years, and doesn't vote in those elections for the same reason I didn't vote here.)

Anyhow, remember this when I'm prattling on later about voting and citizenship and virtue.

Oh, and I'll be sure not to complain when the Republicans make us go to church at lunchtime, take away the women's shoes, and exile all the gays to San Francisco. Complaining will be illegal by then, anyway.